Did i unlock Advent?

There is mystery in the season of Advent that i feel should remain locked, or opened only just enough for us to peep through...  But i have felt some unravelling happening this Advent.  I have found questions at each spiral of unravelling rather than simple answers.

Midwinter, the Winter Solstice on 20th/21st December is a time for celebration, feasting and meeting friends and family.  We are at the shortest day, we have survived and now the days will get longer, the light stronger and new growth will emerge.  So why can't we be honest and recognise that this is what we are celebrating in December?  Why the pretence that it is a special holy time when for decades and longer people have simply indulged themselves and one another in festivities?  After all we know that Jesus was not born at this time of year and that many of the stories that have been passed down through the ages are myths (but no less "true" because of that !). 

My solution?  Celebrate the birth of Jesus throughout the year, wonder at the mystery of Mary and Joseph's journey as we travel through the year and admit that "Christmas" is something we need in the depths of winter to cheer us up, to give us the opportunity to give and receive, to visit family, to take time off work.

Advent, adventure, adventurous - i pray that 2010 will bring more unravelling, more questions, more openness and honesty and that i might have the courage to walk through each moment of it fully conscious and totally present.

This is the final blog entry for this blog.  Thank you for following!

"A Time of New Beginnings"

[Christmas Eve]

he shall be the one of peace (Micah 5:5)

For Alison

God trudged through snow
deep drifts like sand dunes
narrow paths cut by sheep
across vast landscapes
with barely a pause.

God arrived at Central
weighed up the delays,
offered to share a taxi
hailed one to Mount Florida

God was delivered
to the Victoria's main door
unwrapped, expectant
climbed the old wing's stair

God knocked at the door
i opened just a chink
and let Spirit slip through
swallowed her whole

God-in-me, Emmanuel
entered the hospital room
unencumbered by any doubt
we lay our hands upon our friend.

"Seeds of True Joy"

[December 23rd - Little Christmas Eve]

Today the reading is the Parable of the Sower from Luke chapter 8.  I confess that i can't make head nor tail of Merton's commentary on this which is taken from "Conjectures of the Guilty Bystander" (great title!).  I'm also uncomfortable with the parable.  It is a conundrum, a riddle.  The seed is first described as being the word of God and then as "the ones" who fall on either the path, the rock, thorns or soil.  Am i the bearer of God's word?  Following this analogy i think of Mary who hears and receives the divine message and ponders it in her heart (nurturing the seed).  She is the good soil and bears the fruit (making me think of "Jesus Christ the Apple Tree" - click on this link to see and hear Jesus Christ the Apple Tree - choir of Kings College Cambridge).

If seed falls on bare rock its brief life is joyous.  A bird consumes the seed and is nourished by it.  Or it passes through the bird's digestive system and has a rebirth, another opportunity to be planted. 

A seed in the thorns might be choked by stronger plants, might be led astray - this is the hardest place to be scattered i think but out of such circumstances some of our most inspirational people have thrived.

The seed that falls on the path might well be carried away on the sole of a shoe, on the belly or the tail of a creature.  But this need not be a bad thing.  What one sows, another one reaps.  The word of God travels and can be shared everywhere whether consciously (packet of seeds in the pocket) or unconsciously (caught on fur or clothing).

What is the word of God?

COMPASSION

From this

roots weave deep

fibres of interconnectedness

of love spreading

mostly unseen

below

the

surface

Up from this shoot

stems of hope

reaching ot

yearning

hoping

And from these stems

leaves

are open

hands of peace

and reconciliation

while

the

buds and

blossoms

shout

JOY

to

all.

"Our True Identity"

[22nd December]

Ephesians 2: "made us alive together with Christ", "by grace you have been saved"

The process of transformation is life-long but there are freeze-frames where the change is strong, poignant, remarkable.

Today a client came with held breath as she fought back tears yet as she allowed herself to settle in the space she seemed to regain focus just enough to enjoy reflecting on some of her journey to becoming.  We talked about the solstice marking a pivot point between old and new but that it was helpful to take some time to sit in a state of grace, not judging the past or setting expectations for the future but simply recognising oneself in the moment.

When i then became the client later in the day my therapist and i reflected on the year.  She asked me what i would change if i lived the year again.  I thought about this and then replied that i wouldn't necessarily choose to live it again but neither would i change any of it, it felt necessary and there have been some incredibly wonderful times as well.  It would almost be disrespectful to want to change what is.  I have learnt so much about myself and i hope and pray that, however raw i might feel, i am allowing myself to be made alive in the words of Ephesians, becoming more real (naturally the Velveteen Rabbit narrative leaps to mind!).

So what is my freeze-frame moment of the year?

Standing topless in the centre of the sand labyrinth Gail designed on a deserted stretch of beach near Tyninghame.  Hot currents of air blew across us every few minutes, magical, surprising, wonderful!  And that moment of "exposure"?  Amazingly liberating!

"Servant of Our Lady"

[21st December]

Today is the Winter Solstice, the shortest day of the year.

Merton had a moment of joyful revelation as he heard Genesis 21 read out.  It tells the story of Sarah having a child in her later years to Abraham, who was already 100!  "God has brought laughter for me; everyone who hears will laugh with me."

I believe in the God of Surprises, of Laughter, and of Joy.  Through the stories of Sarah, Elizabeth and Mary i am reminded not to put limits on divine action.  Their narratives recount pregnancy in unlikely circumstances, giving birth to life, the longed-for son, the child when considered too old, the pregnancy to a young unmarried virgin.  God-in-us becomes literal in the nativity, not longed-for, not "acceptable" but shocking, difficult.

Merton described himself as a Deacon, the special and personal deacon of Our Lady.  Sometimes God is too big, too awesome for me and at those times i find myself leaning on guides who are a bit smaller, humbler such as these women.  Perhaps, as a woman, i need to turn to a woman's narrative to connect.

Similarly i am drawn to be attentive to the season, the Midwinter Day that makes a distinct turning point, the shortest day, the least light available.  I need to pause, marvel at the turning of the planets, the cosmic dance that sees all our spirit guides whirling and laughing, glad to be part of this Winter Festival.

"Advent Optimisim"

[20th Dec]

In the Letter of James i am instructed to ask God for wisdom in faith, never doubting.  The passage ends:

"for the doubter, being double-minded and unstable in every way, must not expect to receive anything from the Lord"

Does this mean that the one who is certain, single-minded, stable in every way can expect to receive everything from the Lord?

i doubt,
my several minds
debate long into each night
Jewish scholars,  Buddhist monks
thrashing out the questions
until i am a shipwreck
stabilised by the rocks
on which i am thrown.

i expect,
further questions not replies
a moment's peace
for each hour's doubt
a fragment of certainty
in the midst of confusion.

"Seeds of Sorrow in the Story of Joy"

[19th Dec]

"the reflection of God's glory and the exact imprint of God's very being"  Hebrews 1

This is how the author of the Letter to the Hebrews describes the Christ Child.  I believe that we have all been invited to be a reflection of the Divine, each uniquely made with a sign of God-in-us.  So what makes Jesus a sharper reflection?  Perhaps it is that moment of clarity when those who studied the stars, those who studied the Scriptures, and those who held on to a pure and simple faith all turned their hearts to God as one and believed that it really was possible for Emmanuel to come.  Their humility brought into being the Christ Child who was born in the slums, lived in poverty and sowed seeds of joy in a sorrowing world.

Joy is not the face of a child
when an old man in red drops by
nor is it hands clapping
when the street is peppered with lights

Joy is that moment of Light,
of Revelation,
of God-in-me.